Queen of Hearts (Gambling on Love Series Book 4) Read online

  “About as well as could be expected for someone finding out her husband is not actually dead. She needs time to process. We all do.”

  “I can’t imagine what she must be going through. It’s one thing to find out the man you are dating is someone else, it’s another to find out your husband is alive. How did you leave things?” Curiosity takes over in her voice.

  “She sent me away, so I couldn’t see her breaking down. She has left town to think things through. I’m going to stay in Seattle for a few days until she gets back and we can really talk. I hope during this time I can find my own clarity about all of this. I’m just so confused about everything,” I admit.

  “You have been through so much in such a short time, it’s no surprise you are feeling confused. It’s no surprise that Lucy is having a hard time with your return. I know she will come around and you will sort things out. Take this time and listen to your heart and what it is telling you. You always live in your head. You think too much, Christian…I mean Colton. I’m sorry. It’s going to take some getting used to calling you Colton.” She lets out a nervous laugh. “This is all so confusing.”

  “Tell me about it.” I let my own nervous laugh out.

  “I know things have changed between us, but I will always be your friend. I am here for you if you need someone to talk to.” It feels comforting to hear her say that. Other than Lucy, Kara is one of the few people I have felt comfortable opening up to. She has this incredible way of making me feel comfortable and safe. It’s always been exactly what I needed. Here we are, years later, and she is doing the same thing.

  “Thank you, Kara. I might just take you up on that.”

  “You should. Call me day or night, I’ll be here.”

  “How is it you always manage to make me feel better? I just blew up your world, shouldn’t you be hating me, not comforting me?”

  “The thought of hating you never crossed my mind. You had no control over what happened to you, I could never hate you for that. Right now, you need friends, and I am your friend, so I’m here for you.” She lets out a tiny sigh. “And I might be doing it for selfish reasons if I’m being completely honest. If we can’t go back to the way were before all this, at least I can still be here for you on a friend level, and I can still see you.” Relief washes over me. Her friendship is what saved me in the beginning, and now I need it more than ever.

  “Your friendship means the world to me, Kara and with everything falling apart all around me, I am grateful to still have it.”

  I can hear her sniffle through the phone. It kills me to know she is crying and I can’t be there to comfort her. “I better go before I go into full ugly cry mode. Remember, if you need to talk I’m here, okay?”

  “I know and thank you.” My feelings for Kara are still very real and still strong as ever but I feel the pain of guilt that I’ve been cheating on Lucy. I know I didn’t have control of my mind, but it still feels wrong. Kara is right, this is all so damn confusing.

  Chapter Thirty

  Lucy

  The steam from my cup of coffee warms my cold cheeks while I sit and watch the morning fog dance across the water. Fall has to be hands down my favorite season. The trees are painted in beautiful shades of golden yellows, soft oranges, and crisp reds. And the clothes are the best, big cozy sweaters, leggings, and hoodies, don’t forget about the hoodies. With fall comes corn mazes and pumpkin everything. Pumpkin lattes, pumpkin cookies, and my favorite, pumpkin cream cheese bread. But the last few days I have found it hard to enjoy the little things of fall I love so much.

  I’ve gone over every scenario of Colton being home in my head. I’ve examined every feeling and emotion I once had for him to see if the love we once shared is still in me somewhere. I’ve even done pages of pro-con lists. But at the end of it all, my heart still beats for Hunter.

  When I was twenty-two, Colton was the love of my life. We were young and crazy, trying to make our own path in the world together. At that time, I had no clue who I was going to be outside of being a Marine’s wife. My job was to keep the home fires burning while Colton was gone. I volunteered at the VA Center, I ran a book club with the other wives in Colton’s unit. I kept our home clean and raised our daughter. Everything I did was for him and the life he chose for himself. It wasn’t until he was gone, and it was just me and Bailey, that I realized I had no clue how I was going to get by without him. I had lived in Colton’s shadow for so long, that I forgot who I was.

  He was gone, and it was up to me to make the money, pay the bills, and keep Bailey alive. Colton and I had talked about opening my coffee shop and it fell to me to make the dream come alive. The shop was the one dream I had that was mine alone, and I worked damn hard to get it. I didn’t have anyone to help me deal with the bank when I needed a business loan. I had to create a business plan, something I knew nothing about, but I nailed it. And when I couldn’t get the full loan amount, I had to put my big girl panties on and ask Hank for the rest, of which I paid back within the first year the shop was open. Every day, even on the bad days, I feel a massive amount of pride in myself for making my dream happen on my own. Something I never thought I could do without Colton.

  In a way, the mix up with Colton’s records was a bit of a blessing in disguise. If he had come back, I would still be relying on him for everything. I would be known only as Colton’s wife and still be living in his shadow. Since he has been gone, I’ve grown and changed so much. Things that used to make me happy no longer do. I’m not that naïve girl anymore. To be honest, if I were to have met Colton now, I don’t think we would have gotten together. Colton came into my life when I needed someone to take care of me. Today, I can take care of myself, and what I need the most is someone to be by my side and that is what Hunter is for me. He is the man I see walking by my side.

  The time Colton and I had together will always be a huge part of me. I don’t regret marrying Colton. He was the man who taught me how to love and what it was to be in a relationship. We were happy. I was happy, but that happiness has changed.

  As the fog begins to fade in the morning sun it is becoming clear what I need to do and what I want. Hunter is my world, he is it for me. I will always love Colton for the life he gave me, and I will be there for him but as a friend. I still want him in my life and especially in Bailey’s, she deserves the chance to get to know her father, and that is going to start now.

  ****

  I walk down the hallway in my parent’s house to the room that was once my mine. After I’d gotten my head in the right space, I knew it was time to let Bailey know about her father. I am completely terrified. Bailey was too young to remember who Colton was. All her memories of him are the stories I told her, so I have no clue how she is going to take this news.

  My hand hesitates for a brief second before knocking on the door. I hear Bailey say, “Come in,” and I slowly turn the handle. She looks up at me from over her book and smiles. “Mom, you’re back.” She sets her book down on the bed and climbs out from under the covers to give me a big hug. “I’ve been so worried about you,” she says, squeezing me a little tighter.

  “Why have you been worried about me?” I slide a hand under her chin and lift her eyes up to mine.

  “Because I know when something is wrong with you. You might put a smile on your face, but I can always see the sadness in your eyes,” she admits. Damn there is no hiding anything from this girl.

  “You are right, there is something that has been going on and I needed a few days to figure some things out. Let’s sit down.” We both take a seat on the bed and I keep her hands in mine. “I don’t really know the right way to say this. I practiced different ways in the car on the way here, but none of them sounded right. So, I am just going to say it.” I close my eyes and take a deep soothing breath. “Your dad is alive.” As the words come out tears trail down my cheeks.

  My eyes open to find Bailey with a blank stare on her face. “Dad is alive,” she says in a soft voice.

&nbs
p; “After you left with Hunter for school the other day, your dad showed up on our doorstep. You know how I told you the convoy your dad was heading back to base with was hit.” She nods yes. “During all the chaos, your dad’s records were switched with another soldier’s. The mistake was never realized because he woke up not remembering who he was. It wasn’t until a week ago that he got his memories back, and now he is here to see us.”

  Bailey slips her hands from mine then leaps into my arms. “Daddy’s alive.” She sobs into my shoulder.

  “Yes, sweetheart, he’s alive.” I stoke her hair as we both cry in each other’s arms.

  Bailey lifts her head up to look at me. “Are you doing okay, Mom?” she asks.

  “I’m doing better now that I have had time to think things through and figure out how your dad is going to fit into our lives again.” I wipe the tears from both our cheeks.

  “What about you and Hunter? What is going to happen now that Daddy is back?”

  “Would you be upset if daddy and I didn’t get back together?”

  “I don’t remember you and daddy together. I’ve only seen you with Hunter. I would be sad if you weren’t with Hunter. He makes you happy. You and Hunter are better together.”

  “I’m glad to hear you say that, because I want to be with Hunter. I love your dad very much, because he gave me you, and I want to make sure you get to spend as much time with him as you want. You both deserve to get to know each other. He just won’t be living with us.”

  “When do I get to see him?”

  “Well, if you want we can go see him today. I know he wants to see you.” I tuck the loose strands of hair behind her ear. “I just have to talk to him first.”

  “I want to go with you. He will need lots of hugs after you guys talk.” This conversation has gone better than I imagined. I’m glad she isn’t upset about me and Colton not being together. She never got the chance to get attached to me and Colton together like most kids do with their parents. So that image for her isn’t ruined by us not being together anymore. She is a lucky girl to get her father back, and I want to make sure this second chance isn’t wasted. If I have to fly her out to Charlotte every other weekend so she can have time with Colton, I will happily do it.

  “I think he would take all the hugs you can give him.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Colton

  I wave goodbye to Colby and Fiona from the front porch as they follow Nora and Hank down the walkway for a day at the beach. They invited me to join them, but since I have been crashing in their guest room, I thought they could use a break from me. I turn to head back inside when a familiar voice saying hello stops me in my tracks. Slowly I turn to see Lucy standing at the end of the walkway. I step down from the front porch and meet her halfway down the walk. Before I can say anything, she leaps into my arms. The force knocks the breath out of me. I hug her tight against my chest and lift her off her feet. Tears stream down my face.

  “I’m so sorry Colton.” Her voice cracks.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one that is sorry for not giving you some sort of warning.” I tighten my grip around her. I’ve missed the way she feels in my arms.

  “No amount of warning would have prepared me for seeing you alive again. I shouldn’t have kicked you out the way I did. I was so freaked out that I didn’t know what to do.” She sniffles. I set Lucy back on her feet and wipe the tears from her cheeks.

  “You did what you had to. You needed some space to process. I’m just glad you are here.” I smile, feeling relived that Lucy came to see me. When I heard she was leaving town for a few days, I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to see her. Me coming back throws her entire life off course, just like it blew up the life I had been building with Kara when I was Christian. “Let’s go inside and talk.” Out of old habit my hand rests on Lucy’s lower back, guiding her inside.

  Once in the kitchen, Lucy takes a seat at the kitchen island. “Would you like a cup of coffee?” I ask.

  She snorts. “Do you even have to ask.”

  “Some of the memories are still missing, and apparently the one where you like coffee with your oxygen was one of them.” I chuckle.

  “I’ll give you a pass this time,” she teases. “How have you been doing through all of this?” she asks.

  I pour a couple cups of coffee, slide one to Lucy, and hand her the creamer. “I have two sets of memories merging in my mind, and it’s all so confusing and frustrating trying to sort it all out. It feels like I was living someone else’s life, but yet parts of me were still there, I just didn’t know it at the time. I do have to tell you something. I was with another woman during this time.” It feels like a weight has been taken off my shoulders admitting to Lucy that I was with Kara.

  “I figured as much. Ten years of living this new life, of course you would meet someone. What’s her name?” she asks very calmly.

  “Her name is Kara. I met her about a couple months after coming home. When we met, I was in a really dark place. I didn’t know who I was other than who the doctors told me I was. There was no family or friends to help me get through the depression and PTSD I was suffering from. The night we met, I was actually contemplating killing myself.” I choke back the emotions bubbling up in my chest.

  “Oh my God, Colton, that breaks my heart.” Lucy’s voice cracks. Her eyes gloss over with tears, her bottom lip quivers with emotion. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” Her comforting hand lays over mine. “I hate that I couldn’t be there for you.” Lucy brushes the tears falling down her cheeks.

  “I know but, unfortunately, that option was taken from us. I was lucky enough to have met the one waitress that actually cared about her customers. Kara was there for me, she kept me talking that night. She was the listening ear I needed. Kara saved me that night.”

  “I need to meet this Kara and thank her. She sounds like an amazing woman.”

  “She is. She has a big heart. So big, she still wants to be there for me even after finding out I’m not really Christian.”

  “Do you still love her?” she asks. This is a question I have been asking myself over the last couple of days. I love the memories I have with Lucy, but having been separated for all this time, that love is just that, memories. I’m stuck in the middle of two different lives, not knowing which one is really who I am.

  “Honestly, I don’t have a definitive answer. Before all of this happened it would have been an easy yes…I just don’t know. I still feel the connection we had, and the feelings are still there, but I’m not Christian. I’m not the man she fell in love with anymore. And there is still the matter of us and everything we had before.”

  “Your name might not have been the right one, but deep down it was still you. Your heart and your soul were connecting with hers. Let’s take our relationship out of the equation for a moment. If there was no me or Bailey to consider, would you pursue a relationship with Kara?”

  “Yes,” I answer honestly. My heart aches saying it to my wife. “It guts me to even say that.” The regret and the guilt rips through me. I made a promise to love, honor, and cherish her for the rest of our lives, and here I am in love with someone else.

  Lucy gets up from her chair and walks around the island to where I am standing. She takes my face in her hands. “Don’t feel guilty for listening to your heart. We aren’t the people we were in the past. We have both changed and grown, so why wouldn’t our hearts change, too. In all honesty, I have met someone else, too. That was one of the things I wanted to discuss with you.” Her hands fall to her sides, and I can hear her take a deep breath. It doesn’t surprise me that Lucy had moved on. She thought I was dead, and who wouldn’t give their left arm to be with her.

  “It’s still fairly new. I hadn’t really dated much since you’ve been gone. Hunter is the first man I have felt a real connection with since you. The morning you showed up at my doorstep was the morning after Hunter and I said we loved each other,” she admits. I get
a slight pang in my chest knowing I really fucked up her life by showing up again.

  I step back until my back hits the fridge. “I sure know how to fuck shit up.”

  “You do have impeccable timing,” she says with a little giggle. “Maybe this is fates twisted way of saying we weren’t meant to be together. Or maybe we were only supposed to be together for a short time. Long enough to bring our sweet Bailey into the world. I don’t think we are the people we were all those years ago.”

  “I was a completely different person for a while.” We both laugh. “Maybe you’re right. We got married so young, neither one of us had much time to really know who we were or what we wanted to be. What does this mean for us?”

  “I think it means the big D, divorce. This doesn’t mean we aren’t still family. You are a huge part of my life, and the father of my child, so there is no getting rid of me completely. I want you to spend as much time as you want with Bailey, you both deserve a chance to get to know each other.” Her soft smile eases my heart.

  “I would like that very much.” I’ve missed so much with Bailey already. I don’t want to miss anymore of the big moments in her life.

  “I’m glad you said that, because…” Just then the doorbell rings. “There is someone here that would really like to meet you.” Lucy turns and moves through the kitchen back to the front door.

  I slowly follow behind with my heart pounding in my ears in anticipation. The last time I saw Bailey she was sleeping in her stroller, sucking on her pacifier, blissfully unaware of what was going on around her. The door slowly opens and in walks the most beautiful little young lady I have ever seen, with Lucy’s bright eyes and my nose. She looks right at me and smiles. “Hi Daddy.” Her soft voice is the sweetest thing I have ever heard.

  I let out the breath I’ve been holding and drop to my knees in front of her. I cradle her little face in my hands and just take her all in. The baby I left behind is no longer a baby. She has grown into this perfect mix of me and Lucy. She is absolutely beautiful. I scoop her into my arms and hold her tight. “I have missed you so much,” I whisper with tears streaming down my face. I’m never letting this little girl out of my arms again.